Saturday, January 22, 2011


She was everything I wanted. I have her. Right here beside me. My eyes, tired as they are, though, can't seem to take enough of the sight in front of me. She on the other hand, sits across the table and says she is really happy for us. I know she means every word of it. I wish I was as happy. My face must be a sight, the coffee tastes stale and nothing makes sense. An apparition of what I desired sits before me, taunting me and laughing at my plight. I laugh back. Its not something I imagined. I could have made her happy. Happier than she'd ever imagined.

The conversation is banal. It must be the loud music. That guy seems to know all the lyrics. I'm sure anyone with a mug of beer in them would get there. Its all a daze now. I realised later that I must have been staring too much... I guess. Was I that obvious? Those feelings were obvious. But then there was this whole shroud of 'friends-like-us' and 'friends-don't-do-that' that suffocated me forever. Right up to when I had to make a decision. And then I faltered. Then it wasn't the same.

I walk away from the fork in the path, taking with me what is now, and what currently is my tomorrow. The conversations seem the same, but there's the hint of something, an edge that scrapes. An itch that can't be scratched. Funny I'm this colour today.

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